June 24, 2012

Dammit, this is one of those nights where I really miss him…. I am so so so tempted to look up his facebook profile right now, even though I know it’s going to cause me so much grief…

I should just try to sleep…

6:30am  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/Zy6w3yO0JrkD
  
Filed under: me 
June 17, 2012
johneepixels7:

So Jake and i are in an article together! Thanks Gianni for featuring us! :D

I get distracted so easily =_=
I hate looking at these bloggers like they’re some magical creatures, like I’m trapped, sitting on the other side of the looking glass waiting for my turn to join them. It makes me feel so pathetically complacent.
But then I remember… I’M SEVENTEEN! I’M STILL IN COLLEGE! I’M STILL GETTING MY LIFE TOGETHER!
It’s just… with my ultimate goal of going to medical school and becoming a doctor, I feel like my life has already been planned out for me. 
Half of me worries that my young adulthood will slip through my fingers. That I will never get to make my own mistakes, be crazy, spontaneous, know what it’s like to be young.
And the other half? That part of me has come to terms with my fate.
Fact of the matter is, nursing school, medical school, signing your name next to the little capital letters “M.D:” This won’t just be a job. This will be a lifestyle. That to become someone worthy of having others place their well-being in your hands, you have to devote your life to constant learning, humility, and servitude.
I mean, for me personally, it sounds like a pretty sweet deal of a future. The comfort in knowing you have a purpose in this life alone is enough of an appeal for me.
But at the same time, I feel like I now know why science majors can become so arrogant in the title of their pursuit. We (I have to confess that  I have fallen prey to this prideful line of thought before) do not think that we are better than other professions because of the prestige and money society offers us (even though daddy does love his money…), we’re just scared that the sacrifices we’re making will never pay off according to what we had hoped. That, just like the  writers and actors struggling to “make it” out there in the world, we can be (maybe even will be) just as lost, just as scared.
Lol, super rant from just staring at a picture of cute guys, I am just losing my mind over here, haha :) Speaking of which, I should get back to studying for that Physics test next week… Then again, it’s three and I have church tomorrow…
Sigh, I get distracted so easily =_=

johneepixels7:

So Jake and i are in an article together! Thanks Gianni for featuring us! :D

I get distracted so easily =_=

I hate looking at these bloggers like they’re some magical creatures, like I’m trapped, sitting on the other side of the looking glass waiting for my turn to join them. It makes me feel so pathetically complacent.

But then I remember… I’M SEVENTEEN! I’M STILL IN COLLEGE! I’M STILL GETTING MY LIFE TOGETHER!

It’s just… with my ultimate goal of going to medical school and becoming a doctor, I feel like my life has already been planned out for me. 

Half of me worries that my young adulthood will slip through my fingers. That I will never get to make my own mistakes, be crazy, spontaneous, know what it’s like to be young.

And the other half? That part of me has come to terms with my fate.

Fact of the matter is, nursing school, medical school, signing your name next to the little capital letters “M.D:” This won’t just be a job. This will be a lifestyle. That to become someone worthy of having others place their well-being in your hands, you have to devote your life to constant learning, humility, and servitude.

I mean, for me personally, it sounds like a pretty sweet deal of a future. The comfort in knowing you have a purpose in this life alone is enough of an appeal for me.

But at the same time, I feel like I now know why science majors can become so arrogant in the title of their pursuit. We (I have to confess that  I have fallen prey to this prideful line of thought before) do not think that we are better than other professions because of the prestige and money society offers us (even though daddy does love his money…), we’re just scared that the sacrifices we’re making will never pay off according to what we had hoped. That, just like the  writers and actors struggling to “make it” out there in the world, we can be (maybe even will be) just as lost, just as scared.

Lol, super rant from just staring at a picture of cute guys, I am just losing my mind over here, haha :) Speaking of which, I should get back to studying for that Physics test next week… Then again, it’s three and I have church tomorrow…

Sigh, I get distracted so easily =_=

4:24am  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/Zy6w3yNYxCCs
  
Filed under: me 
June 10, 2012
100 Themes Writing Challenge

sandy-scribblesaur:

I’ve decided that this year was a fail in productivity writing-wise. And the only way to counter that is to sit down and typetypetype. So, I’m going to attempt a 100 themes writing challenge. I found the list off of Melly’s deviantart, but I figure - same difference.

I’m going to change the some of the (lame) topics or combine things because 100 pieces of fiction is impossible for me. (Suggestions are also helpful! :D) I’ll probably be posting them (or more likely, not posting them) all over the place - from tumblr, to livejournal, maybe revive Scrinjas for our non-audience there.

There’s no goal. I’m not forcing myself to finish. No time limit, no deadlines, no quota. This is me challenging myself and seeing how far I get. Here goes! 

Read More

me too! me too! :D

(Source: the-scribblesaur)

4:27am  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/Zy6w3yN6OSxA
  
Filed under: me 
June 4, 2012
Self-absorption and a thesaurus.

My musings, my thoughts, they have become repetitive. Recycled.

Stagnant. Enchained by the ignorance sheltering my cowardice of adulthood.

Heavens to Betsy, what a repulsive sentence that was. Absolute.

Dissonance.

12:15am  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/Zy6w3yMjRGUx
Filed under: me 
June 2, 2012
I feel so… meager

vanity doesn’t suit me… nope, not one bit

Those people… those people with the hot bodies?

They seem to have forgotten the meaning of true beauty.

I want to be like them, but not of them.

I was so caught up in the ideals that physical beauty represents, I almost forgot how meaningless and insignificant it can be.

Thank you for warning me.

1:52am  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/Zy6w3yMbCUgr
Filed under: me 
June 2, 2012
My reason for dissatisfaction? Vanity, really

Ah, apparently those shallow grooves on the abdomen that run from the illiac crest to the pubis is known as the illiac furrow or, among the laymen of bodybuilding, Adonis’ belt.

Now, what is the reason for my unhealthy obsession of attaining ideal male body?

There are two reasons, but first, let us start with a little beating-of-the-bush.

My working out began as an escape, a coping mechanism from falling back into the comforting and heavy arms of Mr. Gloom that was my first glimpse of pain (I had been rejected, disposed of, and forgotten by someone I had once trusted and graced with my personal devotion). Though I savored the debilitating complacency Mr. Gloom offered, I knew I could not stay. I was but visiting his humble abode to gather my thoughts; his house was nice, but alas, I am a pirate, and remaining still is not in our nature - the spirit of adventure within us will never let us rest.

Of course, at the time, I could have never admitted to such a weakness.

Me? Running away? Hurt? I’m sorry, but you must have me mistaken for someone else. I do things for me, with only me in mind. As if that jerk could have any power over me, as if he were the one to give me the first cut of betrayal, as if his approval meant anything to me, as if…

No, I could have never admitted to being so vulnerable.

And now, to answer your question:

1) I want to have it all, and

2) I want a constant reminder that yes, I do have it all.

This has become more than just maturing enough to love myself, this has become a  quest to attain a badge of diligence - having a nice body, no, having the ideal body serves as proof of my unwavering spirit of physical self-realization.

As a pirate, words are too cheap for me to flaunt in the face of foreigners. I will show them with the strength of my character, the cutlass of my spirit, the mantle of my confidence. 

And the hot body? That’s just to show off.

12:02am  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/Zy6w3yMatspg
  
Filed under: me 
June 1, 2012

explore-blog:

Mental health break: Breathtaking slow-motion footage of jellyfish by Anthony Yerba.

( Doobybrain)

I don’t know where my fascination with jellyfishes come from… They just look so fragile, so beautiful, so visually complex yet so anatomically simple and, perhaps most of all, so unassumingly graceful.

The music helps too, heehee :3

(Source: explore-blog)

3:07pm  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/Zy6w3yMYtT2R
  
Filed under: me 
June 1, 2012

According to the Adonis Index of 1.6, I am at a 1.3, which means I either:

1. Need to lose two inches off my waist down to a 30 and gain 6 inches worth of muscle onto my shoulders to a 48, or

2. Need to lose four inches off my waist down to a 28 and gain 3 inches worth of muscle onto my shoulders to a 45.

In terms of BMI and Body Fat:

I have a BMI of 25.8 in the overweight range and a Body Fat percentage of 11.6%, with unusual weight distribution =_=

Sigh, I feel so vain right now…

12:19am  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/Zy6w3yMX7FR8
  
Filed under: me 
May 31, 2012
They say that love is blind. (An attempt of public, collaborative work)

But they forgot to say that love is deaf:

to the sound advice of trusted buddies,

to the counterarguments and studies

of the ones who have outgrown this silly

definition of “love”, to those softly

echoing pangs we call morality.

Yet they forgot to say that love is deaf…

to the wicked shrieks of society,

to howls of fear and insecurity,

to the snarls of indecent jealousy.

Did they forget anything else?


7:00am  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/Zy6w3yMTtqrH
Filed under: me 
May 31, 2012

I need to write more.

Fact of the matter is, I only use writing to cope with feelings I don’t understand, to pick them apart and examine them until I am comfortable with them inhabiting me.

In the past, my posts have covered heartbreak, contentment, curiosity, doubt, fear, ambition, pain, and bliss; but once I have touched upon a certain emotion or reaction, I move on. Not in real life of course, the little buggers like to linger and mingle with everything else that goes on in my consciousness, but blog-wise, I feel it unnecessary to add anything more than to what I already have written. That is not to say I have nothing more to add, just… as someone who has so little mastery of self-expression through writing, I have become accustomed to being misunderstood, a familiarity justified only by my best efforts whenever I write.

And yet, if I don’t write, how am I ever to get better? Even worse, what if I lose my strongest and perhaps only clear means of expressing myself? In other words, what if I forget how to write?

Whenever I write, it heightens the awareness of my youth and highlights the pride of my experience. Only in writing and deep, silent contemplation am I most in tuned with myself, am I both more intimate and more estrange with myself, am I able to see me for what I will become. 

I suppose that writing, unlike the five physical senses, is the only means I have to navigate through the formidable domains that are my feelings; dangerously crucial if I am to survive this thing people call “growing up.”

 Yup, I should write more.

6:22am  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/Zy6w3yMTqWrq
Filed under: me 
May 31, 2012

I knew it! My BMI is still in the overweight range, GRRRR :( TO THE OATMEAL!

It said I had unusual mass distribution T_T

12:37am  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/Zy6w3yMTFCGs
Filed under: me 
May 30, 2012

all the online body fat percentage calculators are telling me I’m within the “athlete” range, which can’t be right because… 1) I don’t look like an athlete, and 2) I’m not strong at all…

Still, it does feel purty good XD

9:32pm  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/Zy6w3yMSZF9d
Filed under: me 
May 30, 2012
disillusioned

At first I thought it’d be funny to follow people on tumblr just because they’re hot, you know, because “everyone else was doing it.”

And yet, before I realized what had happened, the things I reblog and what they say about me have become so distasteful. Sure, some of it’s insightful and certainly very funny, but these things are stagnating my growth. I love being young, but youth without growth is completely meaningless.

1:43am  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/Zy6w3yMPURF6
  
Filed under: me 
May 28, 2012
The ballad of a boy in want

I can feel it: the fragility of my identity. I have so little to call my own. So very little. 

There is still so much I want to do. To feel. To know. To be. But you won’t let me.

I love my love of life. Is this so wrong?

No, mother and father, you cannot ask for it to die, for its death shall be my own.

And I will not die.

I know you mean well. I know your age brings you much wisdom. I know you are trying to protect me.

But no, you don’t know.

I yearn to live. Why won’t you let me?

I see the mistakes others have made before me, and I have proved my faith in you time and time again.

Why can’t you believe in me too?

2:48am  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/Zy6w3yMHatBA
Filed under: me 
May 24, 2012

The sheer amount of attractive people on tumblr is blowing my mind.

WHY CAN’T ALL OF YOU JUST GO AWAY AND LEAVE THE REST OF US UGLIES ALONE??!! T_T

12:26am  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/Zy6w3yM210Ou
Filed under: me 
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